Wednesday, October 28, 2009 9:49 PM CDT
COLUMN: Tricks are a treat any time of year, but Halloween offers up a nice excuse
By PENNY WEAVER, News Editor
pweaver@jg-tc.com
There I was, flat on my belly near the landscaping along the gravel driveway of our high school band director’s house, hoping that the dim light of the evening hid me as I tried to stay perfectly still.
The car crept slowly up the alley, nearer and nearer.
One of my fellow rogue band members cursed in a whisper, saying actual expletives in comparison to my mental “bad words” of “Shoot!” and “Crap!” Others were scattered about the yard and by the house, lying down or crouching, hunkered down to remain unseen by what we were sure were cops in a squad car checking the area.
The car slowed. My heart seemed to be knocking on my rib cage asking to get out. It stopped — the car, I mean; not my heart — not literally anyway. We were sure we were caught.
Exclamations in immediately familiar voices jettisoned out of the vehicle.
“Oh awesome!” one of them said. “Excellent!” the second chimed in.
Yes, it was two of our other band members, driving by to see if we had, indeed, done the Halloweening we’d talked about with said band director as our victi— I mean, target.
It was perhaps the most successful venture of the Midnight Raiders, as we dubbed ourselves (Kids are so dramatic, aren’t they?). Our band director was a doofus, we thought, so what better time than Halloween to have our fun?
We even had our parents’ permission — or at least, they didn’t stop us — to have our fun. We collected rolls of toilet paper, and for weeks we ripped up newspapers into small pieces for a lovely confetti.
We adorned his trees with TP and sprinkled the bushes and rocks in his landscaping with our homemade confetti, and I think there was some soaping of the old van he had in his backyard, too.
I know, I know — figures of authority frown on these things. Don’t try this at home, kids — at least, don’t get caught.
Oops. I guess it’s the overgrown kid in me that gets a chuckle out of harmless gags like TPing — as long as they stay harmless. I’d never “egg” a car or do something that would cause damage. Even the child in me doesn’t like that.
Of course, the old person in me has no patience for Halloween shenanigans. But I try not to be that mature.
I like to play tricks almost as much as I like to tell jokes (you know what they call a Jamaican proctologist? —say it with the accent—Pokeman). Sometimes, just like it’s the way you tell a joke that matters, the success of a prank all depends on the execution.
We tried to scare some of my sisters and my cousin one time by running a “ghost” across the yard at night near the tent where they slept. We set up a string, and used a piece of metal mesh shaped into a square as a “head” under the sheet. I have to tell you — metal doesn’t scoot very well across an open space on a string. It just kind of sticks there.
Instead of a creepy, floating ghost, you really just have crumpled sheet on a clothesline that jerks along once in a while like it has the hiccups. That’s not scary.
Some tricks work too well. When I was a kid, we loved pulling the wool over the eyes of our neighbor, Ruthie, who was the great combination of jumpy, elderly and full of laughter. I had a black spider ring that I’d wear, and she’d be sitting in a metal lawn chair the yard, and I’d walk up behind her and set the ring near her shoulder, about on her collarbone.
Then I’d walk around and say, “Hi Ruthie!”, all cheerful, and we’d talk a minute. Suddenly, I’d get a quizzical look on my face.
“What’s that on your shoulder?” I’d ask innocently, pointing. She’d glance down, see the black spider, and scream like a banshee, jumping about a foot in the air at the same time. Before the echo of her holler had even faded, she was laughing right with me.
Most people would throttle a stinkin’ kid who’d do that.
My dad taught us how to short-sheet a bed. I love that one — harmless, easy but funny. I like seeing the vic— er, target start to push their feet under the covers, then get all befuddled when they can’t get their legs more than halfway in.
I tell you, some things never get old.
I don’t like things like smashing pumpkins on the streets — how boring and completely lacking in creativity and originality. Plus, even though Halloween is a great excuse for trick-pulling, other times of year should be fair game, if you ask me.
A friend and I once made a huge snowman on another friend’s front stoop — she couldn’t open the door with this artwork in white there. It was almost six feet tall, facing the door, and let’s just say it was a real snowMAN. She was aghast.
We giggled the whole time making it. That’s what working the night shift will do to you.
Enjoy the tricking season this week. Let the silly little kid in you come out to play. There’s nothing during the Halloween season or any other time that’s scarier than an ol’ stick-in-the-mud.
If you enjoy the laughs, and you are a good enough sport to enjoy the paybacks as well, keep the trend going. There’s already enough seriousness in the world. I say, drudgery is overrated.
Put that Oragel on the lip of the Coke can of an unsuspecting coworker. Slide books in the pillowcases of your siblings and watch for the looks on their faces when they lay their heads down to sleep.
I’ll be sure to stop by and admire your work: “Oh awesome! Excellent!”
Penny Weaver is the night news editor for the Journal Gazette/Times-Courier. Contact Weaver at pweaver @jg-tc.com or 238-6863.
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Mama says wrote on Oct 29, 2009 7:36 PM:
I always knew you had this WILD SIDE.
haha. That is why the nieces and nephews will all love you. The aunt grandma who never grewup. hehe. "