Saturday, September 19, 2009 8:36 AM CDT
COLUMN: When the darkness descends, look for a light
By HERB MEEKER, Staff Writer
hmeeker@jg-tc.com
About the nearest I ever came to truly understanding the fears of a parent involved a toddler niece, a borrowed shotgun and a rocking chair on a hot summer night.
I was guarding her from potential harm after a porch exploded in flames on a family member. What happened? Let’s leave it at this: I intended to shoot to kill that night if anyone I didn’t know came toward my niece.
So I can understand some of the anxieties felt by parents, especially when they think someone is trying to ram something down their child’s throat.
That still doesn’t explain some of the rage and end-of-the-world angst over President Obama’s speech this month. But parents want some control over things. And some felt they were losing control when the speech came up.
It’s somewhat understandable. We keep hearing about fighting, bullying, alcohol and drugs, guns, gangs, cheating and so much destroying our schools these days. Parents today can’t understand why everything seems to have deteriorated in American schools.
Well, the only problem with that lament is it ignores the simple fact that schools have faced those problems for years.
During my years in high school there were lame fights, half-wit bullies and spoiled, lazy kids showing up drunk or high to class. Some students “modified” their hunting guns in shop class, too. There was even streaking. Yes, in my day you didn’t have to go onto YouTube to see nudity in school.
And a few years before that my sister joined in a sit-down protest outside the school. Not really sure if it was over Vietnam or the limited food choices at lunchtime, but I remember at dinnertime that night Dad got into a shouting match with my sister. For awhile I could see in Dad’s eyes he was furious over losing control of a part of his world.
Other things haven’t changed for schools, either. Teachers get blamed for students not learning when education is actually a two-way street. Some adults say education is a waste of time and unnecessary to succeed in the world. Some of the education critics aren’t self-made, either. We all can’t inherit starts in life.
Fortunately, some parents realize that when they instill reading and learning in their children it pays back. My parents were blue collar but they definitely cared about our schooling.
As a child I used to read the Compton Encyclopedias in our house. It was a way of opening my eyes to education. Sure I would catch episodes of “The Wild, Wild West” and “Get Smart” and play “Army” with my friends outdoors. Yet those thick books opened up my world to reading and learning. But TV and day dreaming made me an underachiever until college forced me to get serious in class.
Though I am not a parent I have tried to instill that love for learning through end-of-the-day visits this year to a local elementary school. It involves brief talks on history and for some reason the kids were not all snoring when I finished. (I’ve noted it helps to offer some malted milk balls every now and then to gain their attention.)
I still don’t understand why parents wouldn’t want their children to hear a speech on the importance of education from a once awkward, open-car-door-ear boy who grew up to be a Harvard graduate, book author and president of the greatest country in the world.
Yet parents face a lot of stress these days. It is a struggle from the time the alarm goes off until they place their heads on the pillows at night. And I would never question their concern for their children. I just want the parents to chill out.
It was once said that cursing at the darkness is not the answer. We must find and light a candle.
That night I gripped that shotgun and feared what might approach out of the night. But I was comforted by the peaceful bliss of my niece curled up and sleeping in a chair. My heart was racing, but hers was at peace.
She convinced me that terrible night everything was going to turn out all right in the end. Now I try to gain the time to drive south for a visit with her children, including a daughter who is a mirror image of her.
From that night I’ve learned fearing the darkness is not the answer.
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Mike P wrote on Sep 19, 2009 8:43 AM:
Shadows dance, at the borders of the illumination, and to the faint of heart or already agitated, this too can be troubling. This setting is prime for spinning tales, bringing listners to the edge of their seats, and looking around just to the edges of their limited range of lit up protection.
Even alone, or sitting quiet, the mind wanders, small movements or noises rev it up even more. Adrenaline rises, and the minute hairs on the back of your neck begin to tingle. What just moved over there? What was that noise? It sure sounded close and menacing. Then noisily bursting through the brush, or across the lawn, comes the family dog or cat, or some other non threatening curious visitor.
Often simply turning off the light, or moving out of its range, and letting your eyes adjust to dimmer conditions, can actually give a better view of your surroundings. You are less visible to possible dangers, and not as easily tricked by dancing shadows, and noises seemingly just outside the light.
Fear is an old tactic. A bunch of folks constantly afraid of their own shadows, aren't as likely to unite on much of anything. Folks who seek expanded knowledge and understanding of big and small issues, tend to be less manipulated as easily by scare tactics. Many people outgrew being afraid of the boogie man, but still manage to get their buttons pushed to fear a wide variety of mysterious dancing shadows in the distance. Many groups like to push those buttons to have fear constantly be the buffer of people actually uniting on much of anything. Many don't want to risk unity on issues upsetting the status quoe, and marginalizing their ability to manipulate sympathies and fears to focus specificly limited unity in the directions they want, when they want them to.
FDR said we have nothing to fear but fear its self.
I don't think this means we should be fearless to the point of being careless, but if fear is the focus, the issues can get clouded by the edges of the security lights we huddle together or alone under. Our effective range of vision is limited, and we tend to sit out even more exposed and vulnerable.
Foes, dangers, and risks, aren't to be simply ignored, but they shouldn't dictate how we live from day do day, either. Some folks have different fobias, that can control various aspects of their routines, or even their entire existences. Some of these fears can be a danger in themselves, because of the panic and flight reactions that get triggered. If the danger is real, running to the light, may actually be the worst place to be. Sometimes, a few deep breaths, and turning the light off, are more effective in both concealing you and your situation and offering a broader less frightening view of what lies beyond the porch. "