Wednesday, May 27, 2009 9:18 PM CDT
COLUMN: Even at Lake Mattoon, rules apply to the bird brains amongst us
By PENNY WEAVER, News Editor pweaver@jg-tc.com
Being the wild-eyed, reckless rebel that I am, I happen to like rules.
So I’d have to say that I’m generally in favor of the proposed new rules governing waterfowl hunting at Lake Mattoon. I’m sure that awaiting what I, personally, think about the topic has kept many hunters awake nights.
In case you missed it, the new guidelines approved this week by the Mattoon Public Works Advisory Board — as recommendations to the full Mattoon City Council — are aimed at more fairly offering blinds to various hunters throughout the waterfowl season.
Blinds will be assigned by annual drawing each August, according to the new rules. Each blind can accommodate no more than three shooters, decoy spreads must be 36 or less and removed after each hunt, etc.
Here’s what I want to know: Who’s gonna tell the ducks?
I wonder if the rules for the ducks are different. Maybe these feathered few can put out a human decoy or two, keeping hunters away from one area, then stick to that part of the lake as they go on about doing whatever it is that ducks do.
Maybe there aren’t rules at all for the ducks. I guess I’m just being silly. But if there are rules for the ducks, just how are they notified — air mail?
It seems unfair that the waterfowl be blindsided — so to speak — by sudden rule changes if they go into effect, yet making our feathered friends aware of the regulations for hunters might give a few things away.
I can see the ducks now, counting heads to see if it’s a decoy flock or the real McCoy. “I see 37 of them — must be living, breathing fowl, so it’s safe. That’s a rule.”
I don’t know a whole lot about hunting, particularly waterfowl hunting, but some of this seems ironic to me.
Birds aren’t necessarily known for their brilliance — hence, I assume, the term “bird brain.” Yet hunters have to put on their camouflage, craft their blinds, put out their decoys and otherwise prepare to outwit these flying Einsteins and take them down.
Maybe birds are smarter than most people would assume...that or else hunters are not so smart.
No, I’m just kidding. I don’t want to insult a bunch of guys with guns. If hunting is allowed at the lake, there have to be rules to keep things fair and safe. It’s hard to oppose that.
For my nieces and nephews, I have rules at my house for the same reasons: safety and fairness. I think my (extra) silliness this week may even stem from enforcing those rules this weekend when one of my nephews and one of my nieces visited.
Rule No. 1 at Aunt Penny’s: No roughhousing. That means no running, no wrestling, no jumping on the bed, no general rowdiness in the house. It’s hard to stay a “cool” aunt and have a rule like this, but I don’t want my Jokey the Smurf drinking glass broken.
Rule No. 2: Be nice. This means to be respectful of others and yourself, and to mind adults when they tell you something. This is the most succinct way I can cover many bases, such as: share the toys; don’t hit; listen when a grown-up tells you something; go to bed when you’re told; etc.
Rule No. 3: Ask permission if you want to touch something on a shelf, for example, in the house. I’ll usually let the kids see something that I have “on display,” but they know they have to ask for permission. My nephew Cooper wanted to see my guns and knives, which I have on the wall for display, so he did ask me to show them to him.
That’s good, ‘cause I can get in a “gun safety lesson” while I’m at it.
Rules keep peace at my house and your house and in society at large. Some of my friends have the “house rules” posted on the fridge or the bulletin board for the kids at home.
“No running” is a popular one. “Make your bed every day” is another.
Sure, kids become teenagers and get all rebellious and hate rules. But structure is good for them when they’re young — heck, structure is good for all of us.
I guess I’ve been successfully brainwashed into this. It’s that whole “work first, play later” mentality. I even have rules for myself at home. The dishes get done every day (okay, some rules are made to be broken...). Dirty clothes go in the hamper. “A place for everything and everything in its place.”
But my mention of “bird brains” in the headline of this column is directed at myself primarily. Again, I wouldn’t even think of knocking all my good friends, those lovely, gun-toting, skillfully aiming waterfowl hunters.
I have my own sets of rules, and sometimes I break them. And what happens? Chaos. Disorder. Problems. That, among other things, of course, makes me a bird brain.
All of us bird brains need rules, to ensure order and fairness. The waterfowl regulations at Lake Mattoon are just a recent example.
We need rules for those scatter-brained moments when we can’t count on our minds to rationalize and lead us in the right direction. We need rules not only for when we disagree with each other, but for when we can’t agree inside our own heads.
I guess my crazy, reckless days are behind me. I’m all about rules. One of my No. 1 rules for myself is to quit writing (or talking, or singing, etc.) while the crowd is still pleased. You want to leave them wanting more.
See what happens when rules are broken?
Downright painful, isn’t it?
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Tom Andres wrote on May 27, 2009 10:59 PM: