Wednesday, March 18, 2009 9:04 PM CDT
COLUMN: I want my big bucks bonus for band, ball teams and bigger, better blacktops
By PENNY WEAVER, News Editor
pweaver@jg-tc.com
Whew! I just can’t tell you how relieved I am to not be one of those overpaid AIG execs who got a bonus of $1 million or more.
Now, my relief doesn’t stem from the fact that a lot of American taxpayers want to tar’n’feather those pampered employees, although that could be reason enough.
I just don’t ever want to have that much money.
Sure, that’s an easy attitude to have, considering that, like most folks, it’s an extremely unlikely possibility that I could ever have a chance to add that many zeroes to my checkbook balance.
I could get hit by a meteorite, too, but you don’t see me wearing my motorcycle helmet atop a protective suit of armor and looking to the sky in anticipation ...
... well, not usually.
Stick with me here.
While I was not sleeping last night, I mulled over this AIG bonuses nonsense, and — other than chuckling over the huge “retention” packages given to workers no longer with the company — I started to list all the things I might do if I got one of those million-dollar pats on the back.
First, I’d give some to area schools so that they don’t get in any danger of cutting extracurricular activities due to budget worries.
The local school boards haven’t discussed this, but I’ve heard people say that if schools are strapped for cash, the first things that should go should be band, or even some sports.
Yes, I was in the band. I’m not much of a sports person — I don’t dislike sports, but I’m not too interested, either. But both of these things are example of valuable lessons that youngsters can learn away from the desks and chalkboard — I mean, the SmartBoard, or whatever newfangled things they use now.
Some days, I feel so old.
Anyway, I’m not all that “cultured,” but I do know a few things such as who Andrew Lloyd Webber is, and I know that the 1812 Overture is my favorite piece of classical music. I only know these things because I was in band.
We played an Andrew Lloyd Webber medley a lot; other than that, I’m not sure when or if I’d have ever heard of “Cats,” for example. I’m not sure I’d have been exposed to much classical music, either, except via band.
Although often at odds — since band members get ridiculed and jocks get worshiped — young musicians and young athletes do learn many of the same things: teamwork, discipline and persistence.
These activities are important to a young person’s education — they aren’t just goofing off outside of math class, or killing time between Humanities and English. What we learn amid these endeavors, like social studies and geography, continues to be valuable all our lives.
So I’d share some of my big bonus money with schools in the area that need it. I wouldn’t feel right not helping the youth of today, even if they can’t seem to get their noses away from a laptop or their thumbs away from a cell phone.
If I came into this truckload of cash, I’d also give some to the city of Mattoon for some street and sidewalk repairs.
Granted, I’ve only lived inside city limits for a few months, and it is spring, so winter has done its damage to road surfaces, but there are a lot of blacktopped side streets in Mattoon that are more potholes than asphalt.
I understand times are tough, but I’m assuming property owners will be paying the same taxes as last year, and it seems that reasonably well-cared-for streets aren’t too much to ask.
Never fear! I’d give up some of my not-so-hard-earned bonus influx to help my fellow city residents be able to drive to work without shaking fillings loose as they turn the corner a block from their homes.
While we’re at it, I’d buy Mattoon some blankety-blank yield signs. For crying out loud, people, why are there no traffic signs at all on so many side streets as they meet Prairie Avenue, Richmond Avenue, etc., etc.? I’d really have a big stash of cash if I had a dollar for every four-way intersection in Mattoon that has no stop or yield sign for drivers coming from any direction.
I’ve never seen the like.
It seems there’s much to be done when one imagines having bonus money to burn. I’d definitely have to use some of my windfall to put myself and my fellow citizens through what I’d call Voter Responsibility courses. We’d all learn to gripe less about politicians and actually take action instead.
We’d also hone our skills at putting blame where blame belongs: Congress doled out this taxpayer money like it was going out of style, with essentially no strings attached, and AIG and other “gift” recipients could still do what they wanted. And they did.
Now our politicians are all hot and bothered because taxpayers found out what these shysters knew all along and are putting heat on the politicians?
There’s something wrong with this picture. American voters need to get off their behinds and demand better. Until we create a backlash that has some sting to it, it’ll continue to be business as usual in Washington. AIG is just the latest example of lazy politicians, who are just the current product of mostly lazy voters — yeah, that’s you and me.
Of course, we voters are busy just plain trying to make ends meet — you know, so we can pay more taxes to pay more politicians and more executive bonuses ...
But I’ve had a lot more fun thinking about what I’d do with my own big bonus bucks. The problem is, by the time I’ve helped out schools, the city and my fellow voters, I wouldn’t have any left.
I’d just be another average person working and carefully budgeting my money, without much extra to share.
Hm. That’s kinda like ... well, now.
Go figure.
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