Sunday, November 2, 2008 8:38 PM CST
COLUMN: Big heart that cared for many foster kids finally stopped beating
By BILL LAIR, Managing Editor
blair@jg-tc.com
I first learned of Mary Melton Lebovitz about 30 years ago. Cheryl and I were foster parents to a little girl about 5 years old.
Being a foster child and living with another family temporarily isn’t easy. And this girl’s brother was in a different foster home.
The two children wanted some time to play together so arrangements were made.
The girl’s brother was staying with Mary Melton.
The little girl was our second foster child. We had previously cared for an infant boy for about a year. And we had three children of our own so Cheryl and I thought we were busy with four small children in the house.
Then we met Mary.
Mary Melton, a single mom, had 10 foster and adopted children, including our foster daughter’s brother.
Wow! I was impressed. And humbled.
Mary, now Mary Lebovitz, died last week after a lengthy illness.
Mary cared for about 100 children in her years as a foster mom. I don’t know when she stopped caring for children in her home.
She also adopted several of the foster kids.
Later, she came to work at the Journal Gazette/Times-Courier as a graphic artist, designing some of the advertisements that you saw every day in the paper.
Eventually, she and Carl Lebovitz, the JG/T-C’s longtime “reviewer-at-large,” became friends, then that friendship developed further and they were married a few years ago.
Mary reluctantly entered the spotlight when one of her adopted daughters, Crystal June Melton, was struck and killed by a hit-and-run driver in the early 1990s.
It took several years before the driver was identified and Mary was diligent in keeping that case in the forefront.
But whenever I think of Mary, I remember her for all the children she cared for.
I can’t imagine the size of her heart, although it had to be bigger and stronger than most people’s.
According to a 1985 article by Features Writer Bonnie Clark, Mary started caring for foster children in the mid-1970s.
According to that article, some of the children lived with Mary for several years, others stayed only a day or two.
The biggest problem, she said, was helping the children overcome the stigma of the “foster child’ label.
“Kids think just because they don’t live in their own home with their own parents they’re different from other kids,” she said.
“I’m trying to teach my kids that foster care isn’t embarrassing. I want them to think that they’re something special — and they are. Many times these kids have gone through things that an adult couldn’t take,” she said.
“I tell them that God put every person here for a special reason and it doesn’t matter where we live, we’re still the same person to God.”
That was Mary Melton. You couldn’t impress her, at least not with the things that impress many of the rest of us.
Mary was impressed if you helped others or were looking out for someone who needed help.
In fact, Mary and one of her foster children nominated a volunteer with the local Big Brothers/Big Sisters program for a national award.
The nomination by Mary and her foster daughter, Nina, resulted in Raelyne Lane of Mattoon being named 1983 National Big Sister of the Year.
“I’ve had a lot of big brothers and big sisters (for her children) and Raelyne is the perfect example of what a big brother or big sister should be,” Mary said in an article written by none other than current state Rep. Bob Flider, then a staff writer for the JG/T-C.
“Nina has needed stability, continuity, someone who she can look up to other than a parent,” Mary said. “It just comes natural to (Raelyne).”
Being a Big Sister volunteer. That’s the kind of thing that impressed Mary Melton.
Nina was a special needs child, called educable mentally handicapped.
Mary not only took in dozens of foster children, she was licensed to operate a specialized foster home.
“It’s just as easy to love a special needs child,” she said. “The only difference is that we measure our progress by inches, or less.”
Cheryl and I didn’t have that little girl at our house for very long. I don’t remember where she went from our house.
We had several more foster children in the following years but we didn’t have any more connections with Mary’s family.
By the time Mary came to work at the newspaper, I had just about forgotten our foster child connection.
Mary had been sick for quite awhile before her death. It didn’t surprise me, though, that she held on for so long.
As I said, her heart had to be bigger and stronger than the average person’s heart.
You don’t care for 100 children, many with special needs, and adopt several of them without a very, very big heart.
Mary’s obituary was pretty brief. No mention was made of all the children she took care of in her home and in her heart.
To my knowledge, she never won any awards for loving children. Foster parents and adoptive moms and dads are true heroes.
She simply tried to give some troubled children a caring home.
“I guess that’s what I’d like people to realize about foster care,” she once said. “We hurt, we laugh, we cry and we get mad. But basically, we’re just another family.”
Rest in peace, Mary R. Melton Lebovitz.
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K.S. wrote on Nov 5, 2008 12:20 PM: