Saturday, June 23, 2007 1:03 AM CDT
Column: Visitor plans to crash Vatican's commandment
By HARRY REYNOLDS, Editorial Page Editor
hreynolds@jg-tc.com
Earlier this week, the Vatican’s office issued a set of “Ten Commandments” for drivers. Which, I guess, makes it the first official set of “Ten Commandments” handed down since Moses.
The guy in charge of the Vatican office, Cardinal Renato Martino, explained the Vatican felt compelled to do so because of increasing problems with bad drivers.
Well, perhaps, “bad” isn’t the best word to use, since we’re talking about habits, not mortal sins. Which is not to say bad driving cannot result in mortal sin.
The document accompanying the commandments did point out road rage can stoke the fires of “primitive” behavior. And “primitive” behavior, as we all know, can result in homicide, disdain for the Rules of the Road, cussing and even blasphemy.
That being using you-know- whose name in vain.
In any case, here are the Ten Commandments for drivers:
1. Thou shalt not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion for sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
I have to admit, I was impressed by the sudden appearance of Ten Commandments dealing with driving. But, it seems appropriate, given the fact millions of drivers around the planet seem determined to kill their fellow man — er, and woman.
Wednesday evening, I was sitting on my front porch contemplating the commandments when a high-powered car roared into my driveway. From its tailpipes, erupted fire. It reminded me of the space shuttle taking off.
The truck parked across the street was reduced to a molten mass of metal.
A massive machine, the car, the color gold and it had a huge air intake on the hood. The driver revved the engine before shutting it off.
For a few moments, he remained in the car. Not knowing exactly what to do, I remained in my chair, believing it to be the wisest course of inaction.
Presently, the car door opened and a figure stepped out. I couldn’t see who it was in the dark, but he appeared to be wearing white clothing.
He approached the porch. “What are you up to?” he asked.
“Who are you?” I asked, mystified.
“Goldenrod, of course,” he replied. “Who did you think it was?”
“You usually fly in, or suddenly appear out of nowhere. I’ve never seen you in a car. By the way, what kind is it?”
“It’s the Golden Rod,” the angel replied.
“What kind of horsepower does it have?” I asked, curious.
“About 50,000,” said the angel as he mounted the steps and took a chair. “It will outrun anything NASCAR has, that’s for sure.”
“How does it run?” I asked.
“Over several old ladies, a couple of tykes, a pack of dogs, a semi-truck and about a dozen squad cars,” Goldenrod quipped.
“Haven’t you heard about the Vatican’s Ten Commandments for drivers?” I asked, incredulous.
“Well, that’s not official,” the angel snapped.
“The Boss sent me here to let you know He didn’t authorize this. If He had, it would have been carved in stone in the light of a burning bush.”
“I guess you have a point,” I had to admit. “The Higher Authority doesn’t usually let the Vatican office release His commandments.”
Goldenrod lit a cigarette and took a long drag. “Look, H.A. doesn’t have anything against being nice to other motorists, but He has a problem with the fifth commandment, “Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“The Boss likes high-powered cars and He loves to impress people with His. The thing will outrun a herd of DUI Hollywood celebrities headed for rehab.”
“That fast!” I gasped.
“Yeah,” Goldenrod retorted.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m headed for the Vatican to have a little talk with the cardinal about the fifth commandment. I expect by the time, I’m through, there will be nine commandments for drivers.”
And with a roar of engines and a trail of flames, he was gone.
Harry Reynolds is editorial page editor of the Journal Gazette/Times-Courier. Contact Reynolds at hreynolds@jg-tc.com or 238-6861.
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clumpton wrote on Jun 24, 2007 12:36 PM: